I love you so much, you know that?
by danie14
Summary: What Erin really should have revealed to Halstead in 3x18.
**I was honestly so disappointed at the reveal in 3x18. From the way it was hyped, I did not expect that. I expected something rather shocking that no one expected. Instead, we got more proof (that we already knew) that bunny was a horrible mother. Don't get me wrong, i was so happy that Erin and Jay finally talked about her past, but this is not what I expected/wanted. Let me know your thoughts on the reveal.**

 **Anyways, this is somewhat of what I had expected to happen. I hope you guys enjoy. Please give me feedback, and reviews always help :) thank you.**

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"I've just been on a slide." The victim said. She was seated in the break room at the precinct with the two detectives.

"Ever since you lost your son?" Erin Lindsay asked.

"Yes. I guess I just gave up, I stopped caring what happened to me. And sometimes, sometimes these things I gone through I think, I think it's punishment, like I deserve it."

"I know what you mean." Erin's eyes pinned on the victim, as Jay was scanning her.

"No you don't. You haven't..." The woman started as she was cut off by Lindsay.

"I was in a shelter, just like the one you were in. I was 15, I was pregnant. Around that time, I was caught up with the wrong people and I got mixed up with drugs, my mom was barely around to take care of me. My mom was the one that brought most of the bad in my life. After being abused and finding out I was pregnant, I… I left, and found a shelter and the leader helped me out, she took care of me and got me the help I needed. It was too late though. I lost the baby two weeks in. I blamed myself for so long, I… if only I never did those drugs my baby would still be alive. I stayed there for about two months until Sargent Voight took me in. I wasn't the same after that, but he helped me get through it."

"But you got through it." The woman said.

"Let us help you, Val. Okay?" Erin pleaded. "Talk to me about how this all started.."

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Erin was getting ready for bed, when she heard a knock on her door. On the other side of the door was none other than her boyfriend.

"Hey." Jay Halstead said.

"Hey." Erin answered as she moved aside to let him into her apartment. As she watched her boyfriend go and take a seat on the couch, she stopped at the kitchen.

"Do you want a beer?" Erin asked.

"I'm okay," Jay said. "I'd rather have this conversation sober."

Lindsay sighed as she went to join Halstead on her couch. She knew this conversation was coming sooner or later, but she wanted to hold off as much as she could.

She sat beside him as he stared into her eyes. "How come you never told me you were abused and ended up pregnant?" He asked with hurt and sympathy in his eyes. It broke his heart hearing her express this extent of a secret after all this time. It hurt that she didn't come to him sooner.

"It's not a part of my life that I'm proud of, Jay. I was a mess and I was surrounded by all the wrong people and I killed my baby. My defenseless baby. I didn't even know the gender. I blamed myself for most of my life, hell I still do." Erin said, tears forming in her eyes.

"Erin, it wasn't your fault. You tried to get help. You were only 15, that's a hell of a lot to overcome as a teen and you did."

"If I didn't do those drugs, my baby wouldn't have died." Jay grabbed her hand to let her know he was there.

"You stopped when you found out and tried to make a difference, that's all that counts. There was nothing you could have done."

"There had to have been something." Erin pleaded.

He held her cheeks and wiped the tears coming down. "There wasn't. You weren't meant to have that baby, Er. You got yourself through it and look how far you've come."

"That part of my life did push me to become a cop." Erin said. "I guess I owe it all to Hank."

"I owe Voight so much for saving you." Jay said as he rubbed circles around her hand. "So that's the reason, you always take the cases with the kids harder than the rest of us. It's because you lost a baby too."

She shrugged as she raised her eyebrows and nodded.

Jay wiped the tears that streamed down her face. "I'm so sorry, Erin."

She nodded as she tried to control her emotions, but failed to do so. Tears started pooling in as Jay pulled her closer as she cried in his chest.

"You will have that opportunity again. We'll have kids of our own one day." Jay said.

"Yeah, maybe." Erin said as she got back up and wiped her tears.

"Do you ever think about it?" Jay looked into her eyes. "Us, having kids. A girl, just like you, Er."

"Yeah I do, sometimes. A little mini Jay, running around." She said smiling. "Do you think we're ready for that?"

"Of course we are, Linds." Jay said wiping her tears once again. He's been thinking about children for quite a while now. The thought came into his mind, especially when Terry's wife questioned him about being a bachelor. He did want to settle down and start a family, especially with Erin.

"I don't know if I am right now, Jay." She saw the disappointment in his eyes as he tried to maintain his composure. "Maybe one day"

"Oh definitely." Jay said as he flashed his signature grin at his girlfriend. "Thank you for letting me into that head of yours."

Erin grazed his cheek. This man in front of her loved her so much, it was obvious in the way he cared for her, and she didn't know why. She was so broken, and yet here he was there for her planning their future together; a future she never thought she could have. How could she have gotten so lucky?

She leaned her forehead against his and bit her lip. "I love you so much, you know that?"

Erin could see the shocked expression on his face. He truly did not expect that, but he could not be happier.

"I love you too, Er." Jay grabbed her cheeks and crashed his lips against hers. "C'mon, let's go to bed, baby."

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